It's in the cards...

This past Thursday I went to the Full Moon Party at the Ritz in Fort Lauderdale. At the party, they had a lovely woman reading tarot cards, which I was immediately drawn to. I hovered around her table (at a polite distance for the person currently having her cards read), and waited for my turn.

Once I sat down and started shuffling, she asked me to think of a question and repeat it in my mind. My question was: Am I better at being alone than I am at being in a relationship? Followed up with: Am I okay with this notion? I have come to realize during my most recent trip around the sun that I really like myself. I think that I do a pretty good job of leaving the world a better place than I found it. I know what I stand for, I know who I am. I know what I believe in and what choices are right for me.

For some reason, unknown to me, I fall apart when I start dating someone. I compromise on things that I would normally not, I make decisions that I know are not the best choices for me, but I do it anyways. It's frustrating to step outside of the situation and watch myself make the wrong decisions, and for people who are hardly worth it. Realizing this has led me to not look for a relationship. It actually feels lighter. Once you let go of other people's expectations and start to figure out who you are and what you need, the right answers are clear and comforting.

I think that the universe agrees, and to confirm with a sense of humor, my final card (signifying my destiny and future path) was the Hermit. Seriously. The reading was beautiful and meaningful. I am a believer in spirituality and love, spreading positive energy around the world as you touch other people's lives, and I want to make sure that I am taking the time to focus on that now. This reading was an excellent reminder about what I consider important and the things that I should be giving my time and energy to at this point in my life.

This entire blog entry feels too personal and too vague at the same time.

My favorite portion of the Hermit tarot card meaning: His own inner light must learn to shine in the absence of the light of others.

Today I will...appreciate

This morning during my yoga practice, I was filled with gratitude for the many blessings and freedoms in my life. I am not unaware of the men and women who dedicate their lives to afford me these luxuries. From the very bottom of my heart, thank you.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction....The chain reaction of evil--hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars--must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation." ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Namaste

Good morning my friends. I started this blog about a week or so ago, after ending my old one, but have yet to say anything. I wasn't quite sure where to begin, so this morning I'll start where I stand. I was blogging about this journey to become tough and to prove that I could finish the Tough Mudder in Tampa in December.

Two weeks ago, the time came to put my money where my mouth was and sign up for the race, and I just didn't want to. I wasn't that I thought I couldn't do it (although it does sound like a VERY hard race), I just have no urge to pay money to torture myself. For the past few months, I have barely been working out. No running, no yoga, no ladders. I think all of the pressure of the race took the enjoyment out of it and I stopped. I also felt guilty for wanting to go to yoga, because I should have been running or doing something more to train.

I am a big believer in taking care of your body, so that it can take care of you. My tipping point was when I realized that I felt guilty for wanting to do something that I love (yoga) and I let that guilt keep me from it. I felt like I couldn't not do the race because I had said that I would and I did not want to disappointment anyone. But I was disappointing myself. So I just decided not to do it. I told my brother I was out (sorry), and took the registration money I saved and bought a 10 class hot yoga package.

Ah, sigh, happy smile. I feel better already. Yoga 3 times a week has been good for my soul. I was laying on my mat during savasana thinking that I would love to go to yoga again tomorrow. No Nik (I said to myself), you need to run. And then I realized, nope. I don't have to do anything that isn't going to make me as happy as I deserve to be. I can go to yoga everyday if I want, and from this point on, I just might do that.

So that is where I stand. This blog is not a chronical of my yoga journey, although I am sure it will be mentioned quite a bit. It's just my thoughts and ramblings about what I am doing in my life to make myself a better person and the world a more lovely place. That being said, I am off to yoga to celebrate this beautiful morning and the free will that we all have to choose our paths in life.

Love.