This past Thursday I went to the Full Moon Party at the Ritz in Fort Lauderdale. At the party, they had a lovely woman reading tarot cards, which I was immediately drawn to. I hovered around her table (at a polite distance for the person currently having her cards read), and waited for my turn.
Once I sat down and started shuffling, she asked me to think of a question and repeat it in my mind. My question was: Am I better at being alone than I am at being in a relationship? Followed up with: Am I okay with this notion? I have come to realize during my most recent trip around the sun that I really like myself. I think that I do a pretty good job of leaving the world a better place than I found it. I know what I stand for, I know who I am. I know what I believe in and what choices are right for me.
For some reason, unknown to me, I fall apart when I start dating someone. I compromise on things that I would normally not, I make decisions that I know are not the best choices for me, but I do it anyways. It's frustrating to step outside of the situation and watch myself make the wrong decisions, and for people who are hardly worth it. Realizing this has led me to not look for a relationship. It actually feels lighter. Once you let go of other people's expectations and start to figure out who you are and what you need, the right answers are clear and comforting.
I think that the universe agrees, and to confirm with a sense of humor, my final card (signifying my destiny and future path) was the Hermit. Seriously. The reading was beautiful and meaningful. I am a believer in spirituality and love, spreading positive energy around the world as you touch other people's lives, and I want to make sure that I am taking the time to focus on that now. This reading was an excellent reminder about what I consider important and the things that I should be giving my time and energy to at this point in my life.
This entire blog entry feels too personal and too vague at the same time.
My favorite portion of the Hermit tarot card meaning: His own inner light must learn to shine in the absence of the light of others.
